Every Day I Love You More (Just Not Today) by Nancy Shulins

Author:Nancy Shulins [SHULINS, NANCY]
Language: eng
Format: epub
Tags: FIC000000
ISBN: 9780759520677
Publisher: Grand Central Publishing
Published: 2001-01-09T00:00:00+00:00

39

The guy who used to appear at your front door

every night because he was wild to see you,

now appears there every night because

that’s where he happens to live.

LUCILLEKALLEN

SOME NIGHTS ARE special and some nights are not, and anyone who’s been married for more than a month would benefit from knowing the difference. Take last night, for example, when my husband came home looking weary and worn out from work. His expression awakened the cheerleader in me; I got perky, and he got annoyed. Then I got hurt and he got more annoyed. Then I wised up and left him alone.

There is no faster way to wear somebody out than to treat every night like a date, to expect—or demand—a good time all the time. To expect to connect on a level that’s deep. There are times when we all want to be left alone, and there’s nothing the matter with that. Putting pressure on your partner night after night is exhausting for both you and him. Whereas learning to live with the fact that you won’t click every day is an essential aspect of sharing your lives.

Most of the time I can spot these downtimes the minute my husband comes home. Now and then they slip by me and I find myself waving my pom-poms around in his face. Occasionally I turn a dull evening around, but that’s more the exception than the rule. More often, I nudge us both into a bad mood that persists for the rest of the night.

Having done it again just last night, I’ve resolved not to try quite so hard the next time. Marriage is all about reading the signs and responding appropriately. The better we are at perceiving these cues, the more harmonious life tends to be. Living with somebody else doesn’t alter the fact that we all want to be left alone. Not all the time, of course, only sometimes. And we count on our partners to understand.

The next time your partner comes home looking weary and greets you with a one-syllable word, take the hint and back off. Don’t assume something’s wrong, because chances are good that nothing is. Like Garbo, he just “vants” to be alone.

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